The Bachelor - The Home Town Dates

So we’ve made it to the hometown dates. Now, I have watched every bachelor season except the first and never have I gotten so many mixed messages. I swear, when it was time for the rose ceremony, I had no clue who was going home. Andy wears his heart on his sleeve as brightly as his military badges. This has truly been a ride.

Bevin – Seattle, WA

Bevin is my favorite. A lot of people have said that she is too aggressive and has too many insecurities. The way I see it, she knows what she wants and she is going for it. I LOVE that she has no problem stepping over the other girls, but she’s not bitchy about it. She and Andy seem to work well together. When he arrives, she is waiting for him by a beautiful waterfall. Now, she tries to tell him that she has never brought a date to this waterfall before, but she used to spend every weekend there as a teenager….yeah, right. I have a hard time buying that she didn’t spend her spring break making out on that same boardwalk. But we’ll give her the benefit of the doubt. They kissy up by the falls and then head off for a little picnic. Bevin reveals a little secret she’s been keeping from our bachelor…actually, she tells him a little story “once upon a time, there was this teenager, and she did stuff her parents didn’t want her to do, and she got married…” OK Bevin, give us the rundown already. We find out Bevin was married very young and divorced shortly after. All of a sudden, Mr. Tongue-In-Everyone’s-Mouth has morals and ideals. Could Bevin be careless about marriage and commitment? Get off your high horse Andy, not everyone is as perfect as you. He seems to handle it well to her face, but I can tell he’s dreading telling his parents he’s falling for a divorcee.

Bevin takes Andy to her dad’s house where we meet her dad, step mom, mother and sister. Really nice family, actually. This is probably the best hometown date I have every seen. No drama and pretty much everyone loves Andy. Bevin’s mom presents the couple with a beautiful painting she made and Bevin starts to cry…again…could we have another Moana on our hands?? She excuses herself and takes her father into the other room for a chat. I’ll be honest; this little father daughter talk was pretty touching. But also very revealing. You can tell he just wants his daughter to be happy and I think we learned a lot about why Bevin is so aggressive. After dinner Andy says his goodbyes, there’s a little more tongue action, and it’s off to his next date.

Danielle – Bethel, CT

I like Danielle, but I think she’s a little too…prissy for me. Her hometown date consists of her dad, mom and little sister…and a tiny little yippy dog that doesn’t leave her side the entire night. Danielle’s dad seems a little spooked by the cameras, and really doesn’t say much. Mom and sister make up for it though answering everything with “MMM HMM” and “yeah”. Good Lord people, at least ACT interested. The other thing that got me was that everything Andy said, Danielle had an equal or better response. She is completely molding herself into the bride Andy is looking for and I think it’s going to cause her trouble.

Dad takes Andy to see his drum set and gives him a little lesson in rock and roll. It’s a little endearing, but we can tell by all the voiceovers that he obviously didn’t play too well. Then, mom and little sister teach Andy how to belly dance…WOW. THAT was interesting. I don’t quite have words for Danielle’s sister shaking it in Andy’s face and the cute little scarf wrapped around Andy’s hips. I guess the family that plays together…

Andy says he feels Danielle is the most invested out of the 4 woman…and this is my first mixed message, since he said the same thing about Bevin last week, and about Amber the week before. But yeah, a little kissy face and we move on…

Tessa – Washington, DC

Tessa is hard to read. Sometimes I think she really wants to be there, other times I think she’s loving her moment in the spotlight but can’t wait for it to be over. Andy meets her on The Mall and they roll around the snow for a while. He cops a feel several times, which ABC has no problem airing on national television. Tessa tells us we will be meeting her mom, dad, sister and best friend Samantha, who came all the way from Denver, CO to critique our seaman.

Tessa’s family (and friend) grill Andy like an all beef patty. The poor guy could do a commercial for anti-perspirant he’s sweating so badly. The friend is throwing every question possible at him, and a lot of them are just ridiculous. My favorite one “So are you just keeping the other 3 girls around because you have to?”. WHAT?? Do you really expect and honest answer out of that?? They get past the questioning and head off to the dinner table, where it’s obvious they forgot their place cards and proceed to play musical chairs. Tessa’s mom asks Andy if he likes to cook, and he says he likes doing the dishes. At this point he stands up and begins clearing the table!!! There’s a winner…seriously. Dad helps and they have a moment of bonding in the kitchen while doing the dishes. Andy asks dad why he thinks Tessa is there and dad, not realizing that this is a real search for love and not just some ABC reality show, says she told him she thought she would do it to have some fun.

Poor Andy, it looked like someone had doused him in cold water. I was a little surprised he didn’t let out a little sob. He has been chasing Tessa for the entire season and can’t get her to even admit she thinks his pecs are hot. Now dear old dad tells him she’s just in it for fun?? Well, now it’s time to turn the tables. Andy asks best friend Samantha why Tessa is there. Best friend obviously senses a problem, and tells Andy what he wants to hear…that she WAS in it for fun at the beginning, but now she’s falling for him. Hmmmm

Andy’s not so convinced and vows not to leave DC until he gets an answer out of Tessa. I can see the producers now “uh, Andy, you can’t do that…no, we’re on a time schedule…yes, Amber is waiting…well I know you haven’t been laid in a while, but we have a show to do”. Talking to Tessa is like pulling teeth. The girl will not give anything up, and when she does it’s with clenched teeth and an awkward smile. Andy asks her what she is there for and she says, “to fall in love”. He should have been happy with that, but no, he asks her WHO she wants to fall in love with. “With you” she says. Andy says “I want to fall in love with you too”…say it with me folks…AWWWW…our sweet little Andy is WAY out of his league with this girl.

Amber – Sugarland, TX

The previews at each commercial break promise us this is a first for bachelor hometown dates. We’ll see. Amber takes Andy to her classroom to show off her teaching skills…in a mini dress. I couldn’t believe she walked into an elementary school in that thing. Ah, the things we do for love. So they spend a few minutes in her classroom and then her students’ file in. Now, I really like kids, no problems, but why do we have to put them on reality shows that make a mockery of love and real life?? I felt the same way when Travis and Sarah went to her hometown and the kids showed up. Maybe they aren’t watching the show, but I’m sure some of them have older siblings or mothers who are…and most of them can read. It’s a scandal in the making.

So Amber tells us that she doesn’t have a great relationship with her family and that her parents do NOT approve of her meeting her future husband on an ABC reality TV show. Who can blame them…Amber had planned for Andy to meet her aunt and uncle, but auntie canceled at the last minute. So after a few tears, and some sympathy hugs, they head off to her apartment to meet her roommate and Pomeranian. You could tell how uncomfortable Andy was. Here he is with two sorority sweethearts and a dog that is pissing on the rug. They sit down, giggling like schoolgirls, and Andy joins them for a cozy little meal. And then, there’s a knock on the door. Looks like auntie decided to show up after all. More tears, and a group hug, and Andy finally has someone to talk to about Amber that isn’t wearing a push-up bra. Her aunt fills him in a little on Amber and reiterates, several times, how mature Amber is for her age. It’s obvious that Andy is still feeling unsure, but he puts on a pretty enough smile. This date is really bland, and there isn’t much to tell about it…let’s get to the roses.

Rose Ceremony

So we’re back at the ranch. The girls are all dolled up and I must say, Tessa looks stunning in her teal strapless gown. The rest of the girls do look lovely, and a little nervous. This time, there is no last impression; it’s straight to the roses. Andy gives a rose to Tessa, Bevin and Danielle. I breathe a sigh of relief and await what comes next in this glorious process

Andy walks Amber outside and she says she doesn’t understand. Andy tries to explain to her that her age has an affect on how he feels. And, being the mature adult that she is, Amber says the most adult like thing ever…”Well, you told me in the hot tub that age is just a number, so don’t try to pull that”. Yeah Amber, way to convince him of your maturity. The girl is bawling and I suddenly remember the Matt Lauer/Brittney Spears interview where I kept screaming “GIVE THE GIRL A TISSUE” at the TV. The snot is dripping down her face and her waterproof mascara is giving up under the pressure. PLEASE, give this girl a break. She sobs all the way to the limo, and then sobs a little more for the camera. They finally hand her a kleenex and it’s back home to get ready for the Women Tell All special.

Andy doesn’t seem all that upset as he struts back into the room where the other three women are getting drunk. Because as we all know, it’s time for the overnight dates…

charliezangel