The holidays are right around the corner, and what do you get for the spoiled brat who has everything?
Why, the Fur Real Pony, of course! Possibly the most disturbing toy ever (we saw it at target this morning, and even my 2 year old was freaked out by it), the Fur Real Pony (and is it just me, or is the name as stupid as the toy?) will “eat” its toy carrot, swish its tail, and even sniff your hand. You can also climb on for a pretend ride (provided you weigh less than 80 lbs). Fur Real Pony is 3’ tall and takes up more space than a toy this stupid justifies. Not to mention it’s $300. (Perhaps most scary about this one – it’s sold in Target. Not FAO Schwarz, not Sharper Image – Target. Mom and Dad Middle Class are expected to fork over the bucks for this one.)
Is your preschooler always begging to drive your mini? Get them their own! The FAO Schwarz exclusive Battery Powered Mini Cooper is sure to make their Christmas dreams come true. Just make sure you’ve added a miniature garage to your house. No one wants rain in their mini! Zero to 60 in, well, never, since the maximum speed is 2.5 mph. Now that’s cruising. And only $450. But at least you don’t have to buy gas.
For the spoiled infant in your life, how about a cashmere baby blanket? Nothing goes with cashmere like spit up and leaky diapers! Or how about getting your little, Lucky Lindy or Amelia Earhart their very own Red Baron Pedal Plane? I won’t fly, but it’s a start.
The new walker always appreciates a pull toy. But really, those plain old fisher price pull toys are so… plebeian. Your discerning toddler will definitely know the difference when you get them this $119 dachshund pull toy.
If none of these choices are extravagant enough for your little brat, nothing screams “spoiled” and “my parents have too much money” like the Victorian Playhouse. Why bother with one of those run of the mill plastic playhouses when you could have this one, complete with running water, electricity, and wireless networking! I think it’s even nicer than my house!
Still need more ideas? How about the $50,000 remote control robot, $1,600 cotton candy machine, $10,000 rocking horse or the $15,000 crib, for the really discerning newborn. Or, get your kid normal toys they’ll actually play with, and save the money for college. Or send it to me.
And for those of you without too much money, but a good sense of humor, you could always just call and prank FAO Schwarz.
Emschwar
