As I was sitting in line at the Starbucks drive-through this morning, I started thinking about all the unwritten rules of etiquette that are unenforceable but nonetheless I expect people to know and follow. There are a lot of them.
In this case, I was thinking of the Drive Thru Rule: If you have a massive order, or a complicated order, or you’re stupid and don’t know what you want, Thou Should Goest Inside. Because the rest of us who want one quick thing got in the drive-thru line because it is, in theory, quicker. Nothing is more frustrating that being behind the jerk who is ordering for his whole office, or has a carload of kids and/or friends who can’t make up their minds and sit at the window for 5 minutes; by that point you are totally held hostage since there are now cars behind you as well. It sucks to sit there and watch people go in the store, and come out while you sit still. In my case, I go to the rive through because my kids are with me, and it would take forever to get them out of the carseats and then have to wrangle the toddler while she tries to upend the candy shelves in the store; the drive through is a matter of necessity. For the person in front of me with the window down, blowing cigarette smoke in my face while she debates whether to get a Green Tea Frap or Latte (I know you’re not into health, lady, you’re SMOKING!!); not so much. One time I got stuck behind a guy ordering, no exaggeration, 22 separate orders, individually paid for one by one. But he was INSIDE the store, so they could at least open another register and help the rest of the people behind him. Were he in the drive through, you’d probably be seeing my face on the evening news.
I am definitely not the only person who has sat around composing rules for the drive through window. This student paper ran a whole op-ed piece on it. Bloggers and even more bloggers have written tomes on the topic. It is on the minds of a lot of peeps.
But I have other rules too.
Thou Shalt Not Drive in the Far Left Lane on the Freeway Unless Thou Intendest to Go Faster Than the Other Lanes.
The Samest Doth Apply to The Carpool Lane (whose very purpose is to speed you up; so if you’re stuck behind Grandpa and can’t get out of the lane, you have to drive at his 55 mph while the regular lanes laugh and zip by you. Just because you have two people in the car doesn’t mean you MUST use the carpool lane.)
If Thou Art driving in a parking lot and the spaces are angled for people to drive in one direction, thou must driveth in that direction to get to the spot. Going the wrong way just to score a spot is NOT ok.
Thou Shalt Not get in the Express Lane at the grocery store and do any of the following: pull out a stack of coupons, write a check, or have more than the alloted amount of items (and no, 15 cans of cat food does NOT count as a single item). Or god forbid, do all of the above at once.
Thou Shalt not get in ANY line at the grocery store and do the following: pull out a stack of coupons and make the clerk go through them one by one to see which ones can be used since you didn’t even look at them beforehand, try to haggle, and then start playing Let’s Make a Deal and remove items one by one from your order.
Thou Shalt not Trick or Treat after 9 pm. Nor shall thou wear a T-shirt and jeans and say you’re “Normal Guy.”
Jesvet
